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Imagine being so sad that it causes your body to physically hurt. Imagine not having the energy or motivation to do anything but lay in bed and sleep. Imagine being so numb that you would cut yourself until you bleed, in order to feel something. Imagine wanting to die every second of every day to the point where you ask your family to let you die.
I used to feel like this every second of every day for months, but that all changed when I started attending the inpatient and outpatient services at CAP. It was here that I finally felt understood and learned that I didn't have to go through this alone. I learned how to control my mental health in a way where it wasn't so debilitating, and what to do when I felt like cutting myself or committing suicide. The staff made me feel comfortable and safe enough to open up to them and say my feelings instead of shoving them down and pretending to be ok.
It is because of them that my mom did not have to find her only child after she ended her own life.
It is because of them that the many suicide notes I wrote aren't needed anymore.
It is because of them that I have a future.
They led me through the dark tunnel where I was eventually able to see the light, and for that I am forever grateful. While I do still struggle with a lot of anxiety and depression, they will no longer be the cause of my death. There are not enough words to express my love and appreciation for what they have done for my family and I.